Date Etiquette: Old-Fashioned Manners for Modern Men

Whether you’re taking a woman on your first date together or having a 10-year anniversary dinner with your wife, practicing proper etiquette is essential. On that first date, good manners are a way to show a woman what kind of man you are — considerate, respectful, and polished. And on that 10th anniversary, it’s a way to show your wife that, no matter how long you’ve been together, she’s still special to you.

As the Brits say, “Manners maketh man.”

A Sharp-Dressed Man

Step one in date etiquette is to dress up. The degree to which you dress up depends on what kind of date you’ve planned, of course. While a suit is appropriate for a nice dinner, we’re not claiming you need to wear a tux on a hiking date. But if you’re going to mini golf, for example, maybe you choose a polo rather than a T-shirt. Pair the polo with chinos rather than shorts. Dressing well for a date shows the woman that she’s worth dressing up for and that you respect the occasion of the date. And it doesn’t hurt that every girl crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man (thank you for the tip, ZZ Top).

At the Door

Our second point of etiquette is a well-known classic: Hold the door for her. If you’re picking her up in a car, get the car door for her (bonus tip: Offer her your hand as she gets in or out of the car, especially if she’s in heels). Hold the door as the two of you walk in and out of the restaurant (or movie theater, or brewery, or wherever you might be going). You don’t open doors for her because she can’t open them herself; you open doors for her because, again, putting in a little extra effort shows that you value her.

Arm-in-Arm

This element of good manners is, perhaps, not as well known. If you’re strolling down the sidewalk with your lady friend, whether you’re taking a long, romantic walk or simply moving from your car to a restaurant, it’s polite for you to walk on the side nearest to the street. The origins of this practice are, well, a bit unsavory. It originated in England at a time when people routinely emptied their chamberpots out of their windows, and those walking closest to the walls of the buildings were less likely to get hit with the contents of those chamberpots. So the chivalrous thing was for the man to walk on the outside, in the line of fire.

Now, the sidewalk rule is more associated with safety. By walking on the streetmost side of the sidewalk, you’re nearer the dangers of cars and other vehicles, which means the woman is farther away from them. Plus, you’re more likely to get splashed by passing cars than she is. By walking on the outside, you put her safety above yours.

On Your Feet

This is another extra-old-fashioned rule, but honestly, those extra old ones can help make a lady feel extra special. It’s pretty straightforward: If she’s standing, you’re standing. (Theoretically, this rule should apply to all women you’re sharing a space with, but we don’t necessarily recommend that. If you try to stand for every standing woman in a restaurant, you’ll never sit down.) If you’re out for a meal and your date stands to go to the bathroom, you stand up, too, and again when you see her on her way back (bonus tip: This is also a good moment to get her chair for her). And, obviously, if you’re in a place with only one seat available, you offer it to her.

Put the Phone Away

Okay, so cellphones don’t fall in the old-fashioned category. But this concept is old: The person in front of you takes precedence. Distractions are everywhere, and the smartphone is a major culprit. When you put your phone away and focus on the woman you’re spending time with, you show her that she’s more important than whoever’s texting you or whatever scores you want to check.

Others Around You

The way you treat a woman tells her a lot about you. The way you treat other people tells her just as much. If you’re kind to her but a jerk to your waiter, it shows that maybe you’re not such a nice guy after all. If you let her sit down first but you take the last seat ahead of an elderly woman, it shows that you might not be as respectful as you first seemed. You should make your date feel special, but treating everyone else well, too, will speak volumes.

Check, Please

Get the check. Even insist on it, if she tries to pay (you can give up if it’s going to cause a scene, though). We know that splitting the bill has become more and more common, but it remains true that most women really appreciate when you cover the bill, and women who care about good manners will probably be turned off by anything else. On a fundamental level, it shows that you can provide and care for her.

What’s the Point, Though?

Firstly, manners set you apart. In a time when a lot of men won’t bother to hold a door or let a woman take the last available seat, you stand out when you practice good manners. Well-mannered women appreciate well-mannered men; if you want to date the former, you need to be the latter.

This matters more, though: The concept of chivalry and good manners may seem old-fashioned, but in truth, good manners are timeless. The details of what makes good manners may change across time and cultures, true, but in pretty much all cases, good manners are a sign of respect toward the people around you. This is particularly true of men using good manners around women. When you’re bigger and stronger, treating women with respect is that much more meaningful, and that much more important. Good manners, like the ones noted above, show that you care about a woman’s comfort and safety. That’s why the classic knight in shining armor is chivalrous, not bullying. He’s bigger and stronger, but he kneels to kiss the lady’s hand. And no matter how the times may change, among people of quality, respect like that will never go out of fashion.